


I'll do the right thing (if the right thing is revealed)

by uswnt_nwsoccer



Series: Don't care if we fall from grace. [3]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 20:45:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uswnt_nwsoccer/pseuds/uswnt_nwsoccer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Epiphany</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll do the right thing (if the right thing is revealed)

Light turbulence shook her out of unconsciousness. She didn’t realized she had fallen asleep, she check her watch and metally counted. It hadn’t been long, her flight still needed to do an intermediate stop;  she sighed,all she wanted was to get to Sweden and try to rest. 

She rubbed her neck,  long flights always tired her out, Ali would always bring a neck pillow for her, but obviously Ali wasn’t here with her.  She heard laughter and she directed her attention to the source.  Across from her,  a couple were talking animatedly,  holding hands. The guy reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind the girl’s ear. Ashlyn quickly averted her eyes. Gosh dammit, everything reminded her of Ali.  She closed her eyes willing herself back to unconsciousness,  anything to get the brunette away from her thoughts.

***********

If Ashlyn was smarter, she should have listened to Tobin.  This wasn’t college anymore; she needed to grow up, no more easy one-night stands and partying until she was shitfaced. Well maybe after this one.  This was going to be her goodbye.

If only she was smarted, she would have listened to Tobin,  but she wasn’t.  She was in a professional soccer camp, and she should have choosen another setting to say her goodbyes.

When she opened her eyes to a loud bang in the room she panicked.  Of course she didn’t remember most of last night. Her head was pounding and so was her heart now. Why didn’t she remember who she was rooming with last night, before she chose a girl for the night to take back to the hotel. Sitting up on the bed as fast as her hungover body allowed her, she saw the look on Ali’s face. She was in deep trouble.

Ali and her became best friends before her first USWNT camp was over.  After exchanging numbers, addresses, and everything someone you consider a friend should have, they said their goodbyes. Not even two weeks later Ali was flying to Florida to spend time with the goalkeeper. From then on it was coordinating schedules to talk before the defender had to go to practice, and the blonde to sleep.  

Soon Ali found out about Ashlyn’s life style. Parties, drinks and girls. For some reason, Ashlyn never found her style of life bad, but since meeting Ali after every night partying she felt guilty. Today wasn’t any different, specially because Ali was standing at the foot of her bed with her arms across her chest and a look of disappointment.

"Ali" Ashlyn began.

"Save is Ash, aspirin and water" Ali said nodding her head to the nightstand "then shower, we have a meeting in half an hour. Look decent, you already missed breakfast" and with that Ali was out of the door.

Ashlyn reluctantly made her way to the shower after taking the aspirin and down to the conference room. It felt like her first day of camp all over again, all eyes were on her. She looked around the room for Ali and found her sitting between Pinoe and Lori; sighing she took the closets seat which so happened to be beside Tobin. When Tom started talking Tobin leaned close to Ashlyn and whispered “you fucked up bad” and then turned her attention to the front ignoring Ashlyn for the remainder of the meeting.

After Tom let them go to prepare for their flights Ashlyn walked towards Ali in an attempt to ask her what had happened the prior night. As soon as Ali spotted her, she turned around and started to walk to opposite way; the blonde tried to jog but she was still nursing a killer hangover. She opted for walking towards the elevator knowing Ali had to go to their shared room to get her bags.

She waited and sure enough Ali walked in the room and a soon as she saw Ashlyn attempted to leave once again.  
"Ali wait!"

Ali stopped with her hand on the door handle and waited for Ashlyn to continue.

"I’m not sure what happened last night, but I’m sorry, whatever it was I didn’t mean it." The keeper apologized.

Ali closed the ajar door and turned to face Ash; after a few seconds she looked everywhere but into Ashlyn’s eyes.

"I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that you don’t remember what happened or that you’re apologizing for it" Ali said "I think I- just forget it okay" She tried to leave again but waited for Ash to say something. Anything.

"If you would tell me what happened, I’ll fix it"

The brunette sighed and walked closer, lifting one hand she caressed Ashlyn’s cheek “You can’t, not this”

Ashlyn watched how Ali walked out, and somehow it felt like she was walking out of her life too. Soon Ali was an ocean away in Germany, and Ash back in Florida with a mess of thoughts in her head; different scenarios of what had happened, each worse than the one before.

The waves of the ocean could no longer calm her mind, the warm breeze did everything but heat her heart. se had called Tobin for an explanation; the midfielder only response was that is wasn’t her place and after much begging she took pity of her and told her had occurred.

Sometime between walking back to the hotel with her conquest of the night and drifting into unconsciousness; Ashlyn had called Ali asking her to spend the night in another room while she well, while she satisfied her physical needs. Of course she didn’t remember making that call, the history on her phone was prove of it though; had she been sober that call would have never happened. That wasn’t all; Ali never left the room and when Ashlyn made her way through the door, a fake blonde already hanging from her neck she yelled at Ali. Words were said, the fake blonde left an Ashlyn and Ali kept arguing. When the defender asked her why she kept doing that, why she kept wasting her time with meaning less girls she answer truthfully without thinking.

"Because the only girl I want to be with is you, but a girl like you can be with a fuck up like me, so I go with them. Trying to fill me but you’re all I really need Al" The blonde had said. In a moment of bravery she had kissed her to, and tried to sleep with her. Then Ali had rejected her and Ashlyn had cried and apologized and confessed that she had fallen for Ali and then fell asleep.

After that Ali had gone to Pinoe’s room, who was rooming with Tobin and she too had cried while telling them the story. Tobin wasn’t good at reading people but she knew Ashlyn had messed up and hurt Ali.

Ashlyn kept quiet while she listened Tobin tell her everything. “Did she tell you anything else?” was her only question.

"Just that she needed time away from you"

Ashlyn nodded even though Tobin couldn’t see her; she said goodbye and went to the beach to wrap her head around it. Consciously she once thought of Al as more than a friend, but then they really became friends and she pushed that thought to the back o her mind; but I was there and when she got drunk it came back out and she tried hide it again using strangers to help her. If she was honest, she was glad Ali knew about her suppressed feeling, but the way she found out wasn’t how she planned out. Not that she planned on telling her soon anyways.

If Ashlyn was smarter she would have listened to Tobin and given Ali space; but if she had listened, she wouldn’t be Ashlyn.

Ten hours after finding out the truth, she found herself knocking a too familiar door, and then face to face with a too familiar face. Silence had never been a problem to them, but right now it was suffocating her.

"I know I fucked up, bad" There wasn’t time to be beating around the bush, "but when I said that I didn’t mean any of that was because I didn’t know what I had said. It took six beers and I don’t know how many shots to choose a girl for the night"

"Ash please-"

"no let me finish" Ashlyn took a breath before continuing "I drink because it makes me not see clearly, because only then I can convince myself that they look like you, but truth is I can't blur the reality and not see how they're not you. They're nothing like you, because you're perfect; and I keep messing up but I want to change for you, I want to be perfect for you. It might be too late but I couldn't sleep knowing that I didn't do anything to fix this, because I can't live without you in my life even as a friend because I rather just have that, than not having you at all" 

The blonde looked for a reaction but couldn't find any, Ali's face was blank and that made her panic even more because she could normally read her like a book. 

"Ali I-" she look down to her hands and back up at Ali "I love you" it was just above a whisper but she knew the defender heard her; she chuckled to herself lowering her head once again and funble with her hands "I think I have loved you since the first time I saw you, that first day at camp when I first looked into your eyes; right then and there I fell for you; I know you can't love me like-" she turned her head towards the end of the hallway when she heard another voice calling the brunette's name. 

The figure standing by what she was sure was the door of Ali's room looked familiar. She heard words leaving Ali but couldn't make out what was being said- oh right she was in Germany. Ali wouldn't make eye contact with her any more and then she realized why; the other woman walked towards them wrapped her arm around Ali's waist and left a kiss on her cheek before walking past Ashlyn and out the door. 

If she payed enough attention she was sure she could hear the beating of her heart. "I'm sorry it took me this long to realize this, apparently I'm late but" she took a deep breath and let it out with anoyher chuckle "Nadine is good for you, I know she'll make you happy" the walk from Ali's door to the parking lot was a blur, and she wasn't sure if she was crying or the Frankfurt wind was too strong for her unprotected eyes. She felt numb too, maybe for the weather or maybe because her heart stopped beating and warming her body, or the only source of warmth she could want was no longer hers to proclaim; if it ever was hers. 

Walking outside to the snow was a stupid idea, specially because there wasn't a car to take her back to the airport; she had imagined herself curled on the couch with her favorite defender, but that had been a different scenario. 

"Ashlyn!" 

Gosh why couldn't the wind djust blow away everything from her head. 

"Ashlyn!"

It will be easier to move on if her mind stopped playing tricks to her. 

"Goddamnit Harris stop!" 

She wasn't hallucinating, she turned around to see Ali running towards her. 

"Ali what are-"

"It's my time to talk" Ali panted "yes you fucked up" okay this wasn't what she expected " if you could only learn how to control your fucking mouth and stop making assumptions we wouldn't be in this situation. You said you love me, that you see how 'perfect' I am but you failed to see how I felt?" 

"I don't-" 

"Could you just keep your mouth closed for like a minute? Damn it Ashlyn! You open your big mouth when you don't have to then expect it not to get you in trouble? What is wrong with you, thinking you could go around confessing you love and not expect me to say something about it?" Ali was pacing now in front of Ashlyn, the slowly falling of the snow flakes forming a thin white layer on her coat. "You fucking fly ten hours across the world to tell me you love me, then you walk away! Why?" 

"Because you obviously don't love me, you have someone already in your life that can make you happy!"

"You're so stupid! Stop making assumptions, Nadine and I are just friends. And yes I do have someone in my life that makes me happy, it's you!" Ali said emphasizing the last word with a little push to Ashlyn "but you're so wrapped in your head thinking stupid shit to see what's in front of you, because I too fell for your stupid smile that first day at camp, then I fell for your face, and then for all of you when you first held me close to you for no reason, just because you wanted to have me close and I felt wanted" 

Ashlyn didn't know what to do. Run? She wasn't prepared for this. Ali loved her back. What was she supposed to do with that. 

"Just stop thinking already and do something!" Ali said, so Ashlyn did the only reasonable thing to do. She kissed her.  
That thin layer of snow melted in the warmth of her embrace, and then her body came back alive when she felt the warm skin under her naked own, in a mess of sheets and limbs and somewhere in between her head quieted down and all she could hear was the beating of Ali's heart matching hers.

It was perfect.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm, its one am I'm tired so yeah. Feed back?


End file.
